With algorithms influencing what media we see or hear, it is very easy to get caught in an echo chamber of similar topics, views and values, which in turn can influence our opinions, as well as who and how we interact with people. Lara, member of the Somerset Youth Parliament advisory group, has written an article on her experiences.
Below is a series of my thoughts regarding someone who was a good friend of mine that I’ve grown apart from in recent months, mainly with him going to university. In my last article I wrote about a Netflix documentary I had watched, regarding a new Internet phase called the Manosphere. Here I write about my good friend who I fear is at risk of being pulled into some of that behaviour.
I want to preface this by saying that we have been friends for about seven years. We’ve seen each other grow through a lot of personal challenges and our friendship actually formed through discussion and disagreement. At the time I was acting as the Deputy Member of Youth Parliament, supporting a climate change campaign, which he disagreed with. He put up a good debate, but ultimately, we decided to agree to disagree and that is almost a summary of our entire friendship.
I think we share some core values, and I’ve always known him to show kindness and respect to other people, this is why I can confidently say that at this time we’re still friends. He’s always treated me well and been the best friend anyone could ask for. As he has moved on to university and met other people that share more of his views, more conversation topics have come up that have begun to make me realise that I’m not sure how much of him I truly knew.
Upbringing
It was clear from the beginning that my friend and I had very different backgrounds. From a socio-economic point of view, we were worlds apart. My family have spent years on the breadline, whereas he could’ve gone to private school if that’s what he wanted. I never judged or felt judged by him either. However, in recent months I’ve begun to realise that his privilege, religious beliefs and his upbringing have affected the way that he sees the world and other people in comparison to himself – and I’m talking specifically about people like myself.
He’s definitely been brought up with a lot of core religious ideals, and his life goal of bringing up and raising his own family. This isn’t something I’ve ever seen as an issue, until we got to a discussion about the ethics behind pornography and ‘Only Fans’ (a paid site where the creator chooses prices and users subscribe to access their mostly pornographic content.)
It’s something that he is disgusted by and disagrees with, whereas I don’t think it’s so ‘black and white’ – and I’m more interested in ‘why’ and ‘how’ rather than automatically judging and labelling people. The topic is a lot more complex and I even recognise that prostitution may provide a safer mechanism for survival for some women, compared to say becoming trapped in trafficking or sexual exploitation. For some young women facing few choices it may even be a preferred choice or even a source of empowerment. I know many people will think like my friend and many women think of prostitution as female exploitation in itself- but it’s not as simple as ‘right and wrong’. And it’s not about demonising people before we understand it better. For me being ‘disgusted’ isn’t an option unless someone sets out to deliberately hurt someone.
Our discussions have also made me worried that perhaps I’m just an onlooker to his life instead of being an active participant, as I realise his current friendship groups are now male orientated, with the women in his life either being the girlfriend of the men of his life or something that he is pursuing.
Growing apart
The question is about whether his beliefs have changed. Although there were definitely things that are ingrained into who he is as a person due to his core family beliefs and values. He was brought up in a strict household. Whereas, I’ve been brought up with the freedom to question, be curious, and encouraged to challenge small mindedness. The reason I bring this up in relation to my last article, is because my friend has been increasingly exhibiting behaviours similar to the men I see getting radicalised by people such as Andrew Tate. He is nowhere near as horrible as these people, and I truly do believe he’s a good person, but in the rising age of ‘red pill’ mentality, I’ve begun to wonder where this all starts.
Before he left for uni, I thought this would be a brilliant opportunity for him to experience who he is as a person and get to know other cultures. The south-west isn’t known for being the most diverse place in the world and so going further into the country seemed like a great opportunity to get a wider understanding. To some extent this has proven true, but he’s also started surrounding himself with people that are much more similar to him than I’d realised. I’ve also seen a lot of flock mentality with groups of young men my age, where they all dress, talk and act the same to avoid social isolation, which I’ve begun to see a little with some of his mannerisms.
The internet
The Internet is often where most of our debates start. Overall, from what I know about him I’m sure he leads a good life, probably not much different from most uni students. He’ll socialise at the weekends, he’s made loads of friends to support him living on his own and he turns in his assignments and gets relatively good grades. But the comments and opinions often turn mean when we’re discussing people that we have no real-life connection with. I wonder if having a friend group made up of people that think and act like him has resulted in him having a more narrow-minded view of the world.
I also recognise that the algorithm has a big part to play in this, and that I’m not excluded from the conversation either! Instagram, TikTok and Facebook are all designed with an algorithm that feeds you content that you like and you enjoy, it’s all specific to yourself. This prevents a lot of young people from forming opinions and having an open mind to new ideas because they are fed one type of content. It starts with videos talking about how to lose weight and look your best or be your fittest, and it turns into how to look good to attract women and spirals from there.
Eventually, we risk a lot of sensitive young men falling into bigoted or extremist views, where it just started out with one podcast or one insecurity that they were trying to right within themselves.
Summary
Whilst the person I grew up with is no longer my close friend, I have an obligation to hold the new version of him accountable and challenge his thoughts whilst I’m still in his life. At the moment it’s not at the detriment to other people or my own health, which is why I still have hope that he will mature, become more confident, independent and be open to learning in the coming years.
I hope that more young people realise that radicalisation feeds on insecurity and a lack of confidence, it can start from content that doesn’t seem bad at all, but with the echo chamber that is social media’s algorithm, it can develop into a much larger issue.
This is not something to be afraid of, but something to be aware of in a rapidly changing social media landscape, where we need to hold our friends, family and ourselves accountable for damaging views they might have.
Lara
Not just elected members
Did you know that Somerset Youth Parliament isn’t just it’s elected members? Any young person in Somerset aged 10-25 years can become a member of the Somerset Youth Parliament Advisory Group.
For more information about becoming a member of the Somerset Youth Parliament Advisory Group and to join, visit our Join Us page.
