Self-harm is an incredibly serious, emotionally charged and triggering topic. In this article Layla, member of the Somerset Youth Parliament Advisory Group, looks at self-harm, the reason why people do it and the help that is available.
The reasons behind self-harm are deeply personal and varied, but often stem from an inability to cope with overwhelming emotions. Some common factors include:
- Emotional Regulation: Self-harm can provide a temporary release from intense emotional pain, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, or emptiness. The physical pain can serve as a distraction from psychological distress.
- Feeling Numb: Some self-harm to feel something, anything, when they are experiencing numbness or dissociation.
- Punishment: Self-harm can be a way to punish oneself for perceived wrongdoings or feelings of worthlessness.
- Control: In situations where someone may feel a lack of control over their lives or circumstances, self-harm can provide a sense of agency over their own body and pain.
- Self-Soothing: For some, self-harm can be a ritualistic and almost calming behaviour, offering an illogical sense of comfort.
- Expression: When words fail or are hard to find, self-harm can become a non-verbal way to communicate distress or unhappiness, even if the person isn’t consciously aware of this.
- Trauma: Past trauma, abuse, or neglect are significant risk factors, as individuals may self-harm as a way to cope with the lingering effects.
- Mental Health Conditions: Self-harm is often associated with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, and PTSD.
The cycle of self-harm
Self-harm often becomes a recurrent behaviour. The emotional pain builds over time, leading to the urge to self-harm. Acting on the urge provides a brief sense of relief or release, followed by feelings of guilt, shame, regret, and more often than not, an increase in the very emotional pain they were trying to escape. This can then keep the cycle going, making it difficult to stop without intervention.
Recognizing the signs
It can be challenging to identify if someone is self-harming, as many individuals try to hide their injuries. Signs to look out for include:
- Unexplained wounds: Cuts, burns, scratches, or bruises, especially on arms, legs, or torso.
- Wearing long sleeves or trousers constantly: Even in warm weather, to hide injuries.
- Isolation and withdrawal: Pulling away from friends and family.
- Changes in mood or behaviour: Increased irritability/crabbiness, sadness, anxiety, or secrecy.
- Low self-esteem: Expressing feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness.
- Possession of sharp objects: Without a clear reason.
It’s a cry for help, not attention
A common misunderstanding is that self-harm is attention-seeking, this is very very rarely the case. While some may want their pain to be acknowledged, the primary motivation is almost always to cope with internal distress. Dismissing self-harm as “attention-seeking” can be incredibly damaging and prevents individuals from seeking the help they need.
How to help
If you or someone you know is self-harming, it is crucial to seek professional help.
- If you are self-harming – reach out if you can: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, teacher, counsellor, or doctor.
- Use distraction techniques: If you can, find healthier ways to cope with urges, such as listening to music, exercising, writing, drawing, or talking to someone (not necessarily about your struggle). My best advice is to do things that you actually find joy in. It’ll be easier to distract yourself, than trying something completely different and new.
- Delay the urge: Try to delay the act by a set amount of time and see if the urge passes.
- Seek professional help: Therapists and mental health professionals can provide strategies for coping and address underlying issues.
If someone you know is self-harming:
- Approach them with empathy and free from judgment: Let them know you care and are there to listen without judgment – don’t push them!
- Listen actively: Allow them to express their feelings without trying to “fix” them immediately.
- Validate their pain: Acknowledge that their feelings are real and difficult.
- Encourage professional help: Gently suggest they talk to a doctor, therapist, or school counsellor. Offer to help them find resources or even accompany them.
- Don’t promise secrecy: If they are at risk of serious harm, you may need to involve a trusted adult or professional.
- Educate yourself: Learn more about self-harm to better understand what they are going through.
- Take care of yourself: Supporting someone who self-harms can be emotionally challenging. Ensure you have your own support system.
Recovery is possible
Recovery from self-harm is a journey, not a destination. It requires courage, patience, and sometimes, professional support. With the right help, individuals can learn healthier coping mechanisms, address the root causes of their pain, and build a life free from the need to self-harm.
Important Note: If you are in immediate danger or know someone who is, please contact emergency services or a crisis hotline.
Helplines and Resources (All UK Based):
- Samaritans: Call 116 123 (free, 24/7) or email jo@samaritans.org
- Mind: Infoline 0300 123 3393
- YoungMinds: Crisis Messenger – text YM to 85258
- NHS: Speak to your GP or search for mental health services on the NHS website.
Layla
